Poetry

pcblues.com

On the internet, poetry and it's writers are often derided. So, instead of excusing myself by putting dates on these and distancing myself from them by saying I'm a different person now... enjoy or endure:

More Poetry - 2
More Poetry - 3

"Who Is The Man?"

Is he a lovable mascot
A whingeing demoraliser
Holding back others from success
Important contributor
Moral supporter
Ultimate betrayer
Full of false promise
Can't go back
Not the same
Every brick is worth it
Unrequired for success
Small contribution not enough
Imperfect
Rough edges
Insecure
Scared of being tried and sentenced by the abandoned
Go in, turn it upside down, and leave
Or do nothing.


The Big Australian Drought,
Or, Why Santa Brought No Reindeer

Dancer hit the clubs last night
And stayed out very late
He failed this morning’s drug test
I was left with only eight

Cupid fell in love last night
He met a hairy end
They fell in love and anteloped
My deer numbered seven

Blitzen was a unionist
Who fought the one night year
He wouldn’t work once it got dark
So he’s out on his ear

Donner tripped as we flew past
A place that made meat pies
He’s probably kebabbed by now
And I was left with five

The rockstar of the reindeer group
Would surely have been Prancer
The hard life finally caught him up
He died of antler cancer

Dasher had some dodgy food
And left in one big hurry
My fourth last deer got number twos
Note to self: Don’t feed them curry

Vixen was the vain one
As we flew over Fed Square
He stopped and stared at his mirrored self
He’s probably still there

Rudolph’s love of alcohol
Brought his trip undone
He blew point 2 and went to jail
I only then had one

Comet was valiant on his own
But couldn’t leave first gear.
I walked the rest of the way myself
That’s why I’ve brought no reindeer


Disclaimer:

When you read the things I write
You’re reading history
You’re looking into how I felt
Sometimes the details gory

Not all the feelings last as long
As ink on top of paper
So if you take offense speak up
Find if the words are dated

If the words make you feel good
Accept it as a gift
And choose if you want to know
If my feelings have since drifted

I used to get in awful trouble
When people didn’t realise
They’re reading little postcards
From another place and time

I could never understand why
Some readers were upset
Was it because I was off the mark
Or smack bang on target?

Of course some feelings just get stronger
Ink can fade in time
So put your feet up, sip your drink
Enjoy the wit and rhyme


Through Your Eyes

You stopped being my friend,
When you started loving me.
Your looks changed
And you became secret and you no longer
Wanted the best for me, you were competing
For our friendship or so it seemed

The principles of life were absconded
My happiness you no longer wanted
You got jealous for no reason
And reactions got all strange
Can the two exist together?


Hands Off

I can’t write a poem for you
I can’t lie in bed going to sleep
Thinking about you
I can’t let you fill my thoughts
Or let my feelings flow free

I can’t touch you, I can’t kiss you
And I especially can’t love you
The way lovers love each other
Because you are not mine

I can’t write you poems
And I can’t hold your hand
I can’t ring you to say good night
And I don’t know if I ever will

I have three choices, but only two will do
I can sit and wait and give you my heart
But nothing else is allowed
I can’t even touch you

Or I can force you away, and leave you
Free to fix your life and make your own way
As should have happened but didn’t because
That’s how things turned out.

I could find another woman
That would be a right thing to do
You would hate it but you
Would know it was right

I want to wait, my complications
Are small compared to yours
My life is no different now than it was
A month ago

But to do what I want, I could live with that
If you could.


Mindsong

When my energy is high my mind sings softly
I can push it’s dark messages away till they fade
I ignore it’s taunts and opinions of fact
And they vanish without consequence or impact

When my energy is low my mind sings like a star
I can pretend I’m not listening but my shoulders are proof
That I’m receiving the messages clear and loud.
It screams above the cheers of an enraptured crowd

And the fears arise like a phoenix from ashes
How my actions can be seen as so hostile,
How my decisions can be misunderstood,
How can I stop doors from closing for good?

And I fulfill the self-fulfilling prophecy
I can damage what we have irreparably
By worrying so much about things being right
And thus bringing on the final fateful fight


Reawaken

Joy should be flooding my life every day,
My strongest emotions were felt when alone.
Now there is nothing, I feel numb and fake
Like a conman, searching for the next easy take.
So many changes, out on a limb,
Fear overriding. Something’s not right
Is it all in my head? Could the years of abuse
Have convinced me that I am of no use

I thought I was ugly
How can someone love me?
I knew love to be a catch-all
For duty and fear
Parents bound by duty and fear
Not able to reach out and touch and hold dear
Locking their children in their paranoid embrace
Unfair judgment written over their face

I cannot believe that I can be loved
Streams of tears wait behind the veil of terror
I am losing myself, but I was lost long ago
In the passing time so painfully slow
I am in the care of an angel.
Will she leave the way she came,
Closing the door quietly on the way out.
Frustrated like I am that love came to nought.

Can I love and let go of the things I hold dear?
No-one thought I was worth the time
Can I water my life with self-love and not poison
Show my strength in my weakness and not let my mind
Take control of my body (like it doesn’t know how)
And run from the man I could have been by now
Can I be honest to you and trust myself not to fuck up
The one biggest chance that I’ve had to wake up


The Gift

You gave me joy and love and grief
A life and a reason (or so it may seem)
Through truth you set me free
You filled a hole in my life
And your greatest gift was
That when you left
You left a hole mostly filled.
I used to think that friendship was
The greatest thing in the universe
But now I know that in a single month
We gave each other far more than
We could have in a month as friends.

I hurt you by respecting you
And now we are but friends again
I cannot say how much you meant
And yet I am glad to have
Given you a gift, too.


Thin Line

When I tell you that it’s OK
To go back on your own
If after the fallout of these few days
You want to continue alone

It doesn’t mean that I don’t want
You with me for forever
It doesn’t mean that I won’t feel
Cheated - my heart severed

I don’t want to let you go
But I can’t make you stay.
I wanted you to know this
Just in case we do part ways.

It was so easy to say “It’s OK”
But after I wanted to cry
I usually give in without a fight
But for you I’m going to try.

You have so much to offer
And you see so much in me
I don’t feel alone at night
Do you know what I mean?

So, could we still be friends from now,
If things don’t turn out right?
It would hurt like hell, and I don’t see how
I could keep myself nice.

Twin Towers

Here’s an ode to my Twin Towers…

From the word go, before I could feed
Twin Towers looked over me
Before I could look, do nothing but sook
Twin Towers saw that I had no need

And as I grew larger, and learnt how to see
Twin Towers were looking after me
I went to be taught, I had want of naught
Twin Towers ensured that I learnt what I’d need

I ventured away to learn another way
Twin Towers saw me off on my great journey
I came back red-faced and empty handed
Twin Towers let me back into their keep

I gathered my strength and leapt out again
Twin Towers sent me away with home kit
I lived with my loves and and we parted our ways
But Twin Towers were there for the quiet days

So I’ll write an ode to the Twin Towers in my life
Who did more than I could expect or receive
Let the best of my life be a testament
To what you have achieved.